I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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