I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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