I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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