Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
