Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Actions speak louder than pants.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
