Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
