Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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