I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
