just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
