went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
