p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
