sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
