just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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