I will die if light touches me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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