brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
