Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
