They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
