At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it's like iHOP with fire
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
