Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
