she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
