i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
