I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
