Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
