just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
