I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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