I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
