I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sorry my hands just texted you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
