i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
