To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
