were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
