I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
