oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
