So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love you. Go after that dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
