does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
