WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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