I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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