upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
