I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
