"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
