Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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