I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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