Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
