She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
