Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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