I am puke
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
