Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
