i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
