it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
