How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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