Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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